i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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