A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
