we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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