The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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