I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
