I hate all girls vehemently.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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