bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
