It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I could fuck to npr.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
