How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
