the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
