My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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