Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
