Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
