Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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