I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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