he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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