i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
