you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
