i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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