my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
