what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
