So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
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We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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