census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
