i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
