Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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