Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
