my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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