All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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