hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
