they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
