wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
