I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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