I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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