Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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