What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
