I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
