You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
