Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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