Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
