this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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