I cockslap morals
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
