So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
