i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just gift wrapped bread.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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