I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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