Ambien. No doubt about it.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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