Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize