How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
