How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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