When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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