when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
