he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
