Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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