im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
