I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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