i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
