dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
