I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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