her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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